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  Eric and Tommy enjoyed late night walks in a nearby park. It was the most active gay cruising spot in Minot after dark. Eric never recognized anyone, but occasionally Tommy would wave or smile at someone. An hour after they finished their pizza, Tommy made a phone call, then suggested they go for a stroll in the park to burn off some calories.

  Several minutes into their walk in the park, a young man slowed as he approached them. “Tommy?” he called out.

  Peering at the dark figure, Tommy replied, “Hi, Larry. Good to see you again.”

  “I’m really horny, man. I need to get laid tonight. Wanna come over to my place?”

  “Sure,” Tommy grinned. “Eric, you wanna join us? Your first threesome. Could be fun. Whatdya say?”

  Eric searched for the gleam in Tommy’s eyes, hoping he was teasing. “You can’t be serious,” he whispered.

  “Sure I am. C’mon, it’ll be fun,” Tommy coaxed.

  Eric glared at Tommy, shaking his head slowly.

  Tommy shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’ll call ya later, okay?”

  Eric’s eyes narrowed. His nostrils flared. His voice sounded like a shovel scraping a quarry floor. “Don’t bother,” he growled.

  Watching Tommy and Larry disappear, Eric shivered with anger. He wondered how the man he loved could do such a sleazy thing. Eric fumed at the thought of Tommy with another man. Angry, confused, and deeply hurt, he hurried back to his apartment.

  The following day, Eric filed a request to be assigned a new missile crew partner. Such requests were routine, so it was granted immediately without question. Next, Eric completed his application for the early-out program. Eric was promptly assigned a discharge date. Exactly six months after filing his papers, Eric’s six year Air Force career would end.

  CHAPTER 3

  Eric could not bring himself to hate Tommy. His anger dissipated quickly, leaving pain and confusion in its wake. He still loved Tommy and missed him every day. Each time the phone rang, Eric prayed it would be Tommy. Finally, three months after the scene in the park, Eric’s prayer was answered.

  “I’d like to talk, Eric. Can I come over?” Tommy pleaded.

  “All your other boyfriends busy?” Eric replied with more sarcasm than he intended.

  “There’s no one else, Eric. Please, can I come over?”

  Eric agreed. When Tommy knocked a few minutes later, Eric blushed slightly as he opened the door and let Tommy in. They stood quietly gazing at each other for a few moments.

  “I’m sorry, Eric. God, these past three months have been miserable. I never realized what a vacuum I’d have in my life without you.”

  Eric was glad Tommy was miserable, too, but remained silent.

  “I’m sure I pissed you off that night at the park. You see, that was the idea. The guy I ran into…..Larry…..well, he’s an old friend. I figured it’d be best if you and I ended our affair quickly, so I called Larry and asked him to proposition me in front of you. I wanted to make you mad so you’d apply for an early-out. I didn't want you to miss the deadline, then regret it later. The military is no place for a bright guy like you, Eric! I'm sorry I hurt you. I couldn’t let you leave Minot without telling you the truth. I love you and want our relationship to continue as long as you do. If you want me to leave right now, I will, but at least I’ll leave with a clear conscience. I did what I did because I love you. Can you understand that?”

  Eric shook his head slowly in disbelief. “Not really. How can I trust you now?”

  Tommy ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Haven’t you ever done something dishonest to keep someone you love from being hurt? Didn’t you ever tell a friend his suit looked great, even though it was a piece of crap?”

  During the momentary pause which followed, a lifetime flashed through Eric’s mind. “No, I haven’t.”

  Tommy’s stunned expression belied his disbelief. “Come on! Everybody has. Didn’t you ever cover for a friend to keep him from being fired or expelled? Haven’t you ever. . .”

  Eric raised his hand. “Tommy, even if I had, that’s not the point. The issue is your deceit, not mine. How do I know you and Larry the Fairy haven’t been having a torrid little affair these past three months? Did it end before you found your next friend with benefits? Is that why you’re here, Tommy?”

  “No, I’m here because I love you and miss you,” Tommy replied quietly. “Do you still love me?”

  “Of course I do,” Eric whispered, eyes downcast. “I can’t help it. I wish I could, but I can’t.”

  Tommy moved seductively toward Eric. “Then tell me just one thing. Is your bedroom still at the end of the hallway, last door on the right?”

  “It’s where it’s always been,” Eric smiled. “Why do you ask, Norse man?”

  “I thought maybe we could go down there,” Tommy purred as he drew nearer to Eric, “and do some looting and pillaging.”

  Several hours later, Eric suggested they have cocktails to celebrate their reunion.

  “You still have friends at MPC from when you worked for that General?” Tommy asked after a couple drinks.

  MPC was the military abbreviation for Military Personnel Center, located at Randolph Air Force Base in Texas. Some of the officers who worked for General Hansen when Eric was his aide had been assigned to MPC after the old man died. MPC was the puzzle palace where worldwide Air Force assignments were made.

  “Yeah. Why?” Eric asked suspiciously.

  “The Air Force needs test pilots for a new fighter jet, but there’ll be hundreds of applications for the five open spots. I want this bad, Eric, but I don’t have any connections. I was hoping maybe you could help me.”

  “I guess so,” Eric replied with little enthusiasm.

  “Now?” Tommy persisted, handing Eric his phone.

  “Right now?” Eric muttered as he reached for the phone. He dialed Randolph Air Force Base, chatted with several people, and then assured Tommy it was all arranged.

  Eric knew he had been manipulated, but dismissed the notion he had just paid for sex. He knew from experience if he didn’t think about what he didn’t like, it was almost as good as if it never happened.

  The last few weeks of Eric’s military career rushed by quickly. Eric and twenty other missile officers stationed at Minot took advantage of the early-out program, so a big farewell party was planned for them. Eric was busy with both university and Air Force bureaucracy as he went through the termination process. He received his master’s degree from the university on July 10, and his discharge from the Air Force on July 30. He had all his possessions shipped to a warehouse for storage since he planned a trip to Europe the week after his discharge.

  The farewell party was July 30 in Bachelor Officer’s Housing. The complex held almost 500 people that night to send off the early-out contingent. Eric drank champagne with his fellow officers, becoming sociable with them for the first time. His drunken comrades toasted him as mysterious, moody, aloof, and brilliant. They clucked on endlessly, their tongues free of their usual inhibitions. Most men would have been flattered, but Eric despised the compliments shoveled his way, as if they were just so much manure.

  Tommy and his wife, Jackie, chatted with Eric. When Jackie yawned several times around midnight, Tommy suggested she drive herself home. At three a.m., the party was still going strong. Tommy was fairly drunk, so he asked Eric to drive him home.

  As they drove away from the party, Tommy voiced one of his pet worries. “I think she knows about us.”

  “Who?” Eric asked.

  “Jackie, that’s who. There’s no proof, of course, because we’ve been careful. We only do it where it’s safe. At work. At school. At home. The base gym. We’ve been sooooo careful, but I know she suspects. She’s pretty sure you’re a fruit and wants to know why we spend so much time together.”

  “What did you tell her?” Eric chuckled. “Not that I really care, but I enjoy listening when you’re a little tipsy.”

  Tommy turned indignant. �
�Who you calling titsy?” Settling back in his seat, he returned to Eric’s question. “Anyway, I told her I needed you to help me get through grad school cuz you’re so smart. Hell, I really don’t care what she believes. I love you. There are only two things I want in this world. To fly and to be with you. No matter who you are.”

  Eric scowled. “What the hell does that mean?”

  Tommy had not meant that to slip out. “C’mon, we both know you’re not Eric Price.”

  Eric glared at Tommy. “We both know what?”

  “You’re not Eric Price,” Tommy repeated. “At least not the one from Minden, Illinois.”

  Eric leaned back in his seat, suddenly cool and alert, staring at the road ahead. “How did you arrive at that startling conclusion?”

  Tommy decided it might be fun to see Eric squirm for a change. “I had some time to kill during our separation, so I asked a buddy in Personnel Records to let me have a peek at your file. We were both surprised to find it’s been locked down by the wing commander. No unauthorized access without his permission. I was curious why our esteemed Colonel felt the need to restrict access to your file, so I did more snooping. Fortunately, data security among various departments on base isn’t perfect, so there are bits and pieces of your file floating around. I checked with a nurse friend at the base hospital and sure enough, they’ve got a mini-file for you. When I read your hometown was in Illinois, I decided to pay a visit to your roots to understand you better. I checked out a Cessna and flew down to Minden, Illinois, population 2,500. I wandered around and asked people our age if they remembered you, but didn’t find anyone who did. I thought that was pretty odd for a small town. So I visited the local hospital. One thing led to another and they let me browse through your file…..”

  “You did what!” Eric screamed. “Those records are confidential. You and the hospital could both be in big trouble!”

  Tommy giggled, quite pleased with himself. “Maybe me, but not the hospital. I told them I was conducting an official background investigation, showed them a document I created on my computer, and they just opened up their files and let me copy what I wanted. It was amazingly easy.”

  “What interesting little tidbits did you find?” Eric asked, genuinely curious.

  “For one thing, Eric Price was circumcised at birth. I’m no brain surgeon, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t grow back. From personal experience, I know you’re still carrying around your original foreskin. Explain that to me, Eric Price.”

  Eric sighed. “Clerical error. You’ve been in the military long enough to know just because something is on paper doesn’t mean it’s true. My mother told me it was standard procedure to cut newborn males right after birth unless there were complications. I was born with a cold. The doctors didn’t want to risk another infection, so they postponed circumcision. My mother promised to take me back when I got over the cold, but she never did. My parents had health insurance with a high deductible. Dad said they needed the money for groceries more than I needed a circumcision, so she never took me back. The hospital must have recorded a circumcision, anticipating my parents would take me back after the cold. Satisfied?”

  “Possibly,” Tommy shrugged.

  “Anything else?” Eric asked.

  “Yeah, there is. I checked back issues of the local newspaper around the time of your twentieth birthday and found the story about your parents’ car accident. You didn’t mention there was another couple in the car with your parents. You remember the other couple?”

  “No,” Eric replied tersely.

  “No, you don’t remember there was another couple? Or, no you don’t remember who the other couple was?” Tommy persisted.

  “I don’t remember them. Do you know all your parents’ friends, Tommy?”

  Tommy tilted his head slightly. “No, but I think I’d remember anyone who died in the same car accident with my parents.”

  Eric exhaled angrily. “I was twenty, alone, and in shock. I identified what was left of my parents at the hospital, then made funeral arrangements. I was overwhelmed and blocked out a lot of details. Excuse me if I don’t remember the weather in Minden, who was born, and who else died during the worst tragedy of my life.”

  Tommy fidgeted nervously in his seat.

  “Is that all your hard evidence that I’m an impostor?” Eric asked.

  Tommy nodded sullenly. Eric’s explanations were plausible, but Tommy still wasn’t convinced. “Maybe your story is true,” Tommy conceded. “And maybe you’re in the witness protection program, which you couldn’t admit if you were. Guess it really doesn’t matter since I love you no matter what secrets you have.”

  Eric reached over and patted Tommy’s leg. “I’m not in the witness protection program, but I’m kinda flattered you went to all the trouble to check me out.”

  When they reached Tommy’s house, Eric turned to him. “I’m staying at Steve Sutton’s tonight. I plan to leave sometime in the afternoon. If you want to talk, call me. Otherwise, this is good-bye.”

  Tommy faced Eric, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. “God, I love you man. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I didn’t have to live a lie; only touching you behind closed doors. Wouldn’t that be great?”

  “Yeah,” Eric agreed icily. “Some men find a way,” he added, softening a bit.

  “Not me,” Tommy insisted with a firm headshake. “I gotta fly fighter jets, and there’s no place for fairy pilots in Uncle Sam’s Air Force, no matter what anyone says. You’ve seen how our fellow officers treat anyone who’s different. They’re merciless to guys they think are too effeminate or queer. Trust me, none of my fellow officers will want to work with me if they even suspect I’m gay.”

  Tommy broke down while Eric held his hand in silence. As Eric stroked Tommy’s strawberry blond hair, he considered asking Tommy how much money it would take to make the transition to a commercial airline after leaving the Air Force. Knowing Tommy was in no condition to answer, Eric decided they could discuss it when he returned from Europe.

  “I’ll always love you, Tommy,” Eric promised. “Maybe someday we’ll find a way to be together again.”

  “Yeah, maybe when one of us becomes Dictator-For-Life-Of-This-Here-Banana-Republic,” Tommy chuckled scornfully. Tommy gave Eric one last, long look and squeezed his hand tightly. “I’ll miss you so much,” Tommy whispered as he stroked Eric’s cheek. “Stay in touch, okay?”

  “Okay,” Eric promised, smiling faintly. Their hands parted, Tommy staggered to his front door, and Eric drove off. Eric waited until six that evening, but Tommy didn’t call, so he packed his car, shook hands with his host, and drove out the front gate of the airbase. On the way out, the guard recognized the officer sticker on Eric’s car and presented him with a snappy salute. Eric began to return the salute out of habit, then caught himself. He parked the Porsche in front of the guard’s shack, got out, peeled the sticker off his bumper, and then reached into his glove compartment. He pulled out a set of silver bars and trotted over to the guard.

  “Here, you can have these,” Eric explained to the puzzled security cop. “Got my discharge yesterday. I won’t be needing them anymore.”

  They exchanged knowing grins. As Eric turned to walk away the guard called after him, “Good luck, sir. Got any plans?”

  “It’s Eric. Mister Eric Price. I’m going to Europe for a couple months before I start the next chapter of my life.”

  Eric waved good-bye, then drove off. He received his favorite view of the Peace Garden State that day…..the view from a rearview mirror. The scene was painfully familiar to Eric, who had spent too many years watching his life from a rearview mirror. On the threshold of a clean getaway, Eric could no longer hold back his tears. A wave of sadness blanketed him, forcing Eric to pull his car onto the shoulder. He sat for several minutes, allowing his feelings to spill out. When his vision cleared, Eric pulled the Porsche back onto the highway, fairly certain he would never see Tommy again.

  In August
, Eric left for Europe. In September, Tommy reported to Edwards Air Force Base in California to begin his new assignment as a test pilot. In October, Tommy’s wife asked for a divorce, then returned to Minnesota with her children. Late one November night, Eric received a phone call in Italy from Tommy.

  “Jackie’s leaving me and taking the kids,” Tommy announced. “I’ve been thinking things over and I was wrong. I can live without her and the Air Force, so I’m resigning next month. I'll find a job with one of the big airlines so we can be together. Whatdya think?”

  “Sounds great to me, but isn’t this a bit sudden?” Eric replied. “Are you drunk, Tommy?”

  “I’m shober ash a chudge,” Tommy pretend slurred. “I admit it’s sudden, but I want you back in my life. You still interested in settling down and growing old together?”

  Eric glared at the phone, then returned it to his ear. “I can’t believe what I'm hearing! Is this really Tommy Call-Me-Pilot Johnson, Captain, USAF?”

  “It’s me,” Tommy assured him. “Well, how about it?”

  “Deal! I’m flying back in a few days for Thanksgiving. I plan to spend the holiday with friends in Kansas City, then I’ll join you in California, all right?”

  “Great! See you then, Eric. Have a safe trip. I love you!”

  Eric was ecstatic. He loved Europe, but could hardly wait to get back to the States. He began believing dreams can come true.

  Don Adamson met his son and Eric at the airport when they returned. Eric had been informally adopted by John Adamson’s family while he was a student in Missouri. Don Adamson liked Eric, but felt his son’s friend was too guarded. As they sped along the freeway toward the Adamson mansion, Eric and John chattered in several languages, trying to share their entire four-month European trip with Don Adamson in a matter of minutes.

  Don turned up the radio as he drove. “Eric, this news item might interest you. It’s about a pilot who used to be stationed at Minot. I read about this in the morning paper.”