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  The newscaster had begun the story already. Eric heard him say, “…..cause of the crash still unknown. An Air Force spokesman will only comment that all further testing of the new jet fighter has been suspended indefinitely. This is the third crash in two years resulting in loss of life. Several Congressmen have called for hearings to review funding for the controversial jet. Only the pilot was killed in this recent incident, which observers say could have been much worse. It appears the pilot stayed with the aircraft long enough to guide it away from a heavily populated area, sacrificing his own life. A memorial service will be held in the pilot’s hometown of Ely, Minnesota. The pilot, Captain Tommy Johnson, is survived by his widow and two children, ages four and five. Captain Johnson was twenty-eight years old.”

  Don Adamson nodded his head several times. “That pilot was a hero. Takes real courage to make a sacrifice like that. I know there were hundreds of officers stationed at Minot while you were there, Eric, but did you know that pilot?”

  “Yeah, I sure did,” Eric mumbled, then fell silent.

  Eric stayed in his bedroom for three days, only coming out for meals and trips to the bathroom. He told the Adamsons he was tired, and blamed it on jet lag, but they knew better. They also knew prying would only make him withdraw further.

  Eric could not bring himself to tell the Adamsons the only man he had ever been in love with had just died. He feared their disapproval more than he needed to share his grief. John Adamson was one of the closest friends Eric had in the world. They had met at the University of Missouri in Kansas City as fraternity pledge brothers. Eric had no closer friend than John, yet he had never told him about Tommy. Eric’s grief was enormous, but he also felt guilty since he’d arranged Tommy’s test pilot assignment. He regretted not telling Tommy about the money. Perhaps that would have persuaded Tommy to resign sooner. Forced to hide his pain, Eric grew bitter. It seemed his God had turned his back on him most of his life, confirming Eric’s belief he’d have to tough it out on his own. Eric had healed himself before. He was a survivor who didn’t need anyone or anything.

  On the fourth day after returning from Europe, Eric announced he was driving to Minneapolis to visit friends. Instead, he headed for Ely. When he arrived, it was already dark, so he checked into a motel for the night. Early the next morning, Eric gassed up his car and got directions to the local cemetery where he searched in vain for Tommy’s grave. Finally, the caretaker approached Eric and asked if he could help.

  “A friend was recently buried here…..Captain Tommy Johnson. Know where I can find his grave?”

  “Yup. Fort Snelling National Cemetery in Minneapolis,” the caretaker replied. “A memorial service was held up here, but they shipped his coffin to Fort Snelling yesterday. Every GI gets a free spot there, ya know.”

  Eric was disappointed. “Do you know where I can find his widow, Jackie?”

  The caretaker sketched a crude map in the dirt. Eric had mixed feelings about seeing his dead lover’s widow, but she was the only one he could share even a shred of his grief with. Following the caretaker’s directions landmark by landmark, Eric drove into Ely, then parked in front of a sturdy old, two-story white home twenty minutes later. He approached the front door apprehensively and rang the bell, half-hoping he had the wrong house. A few moments later, Tommy’s widow opened the door.

  Jackie eyed Eric suspiciously, then greeted him through a tight smile. “Eric Price. What a surprise.”

  Eric winced slightly. Jackie’s two most striking features were cynicism and a seductive body, both of which had always made him uncomfortable. The contrast between Jackie’s sun-starved skin and the pile of coarse, black hair spilling over her shoulders created a witch-like image. Her long, thin nose added to the illusion. Yet, Jackie was considered a very attractive woman, especially by those who only saw her with expertly applied makeup. Her fondness for designer clothing diverted attention from her face, focusing on the many bulges and curves below her neck. “Can I come in, Jackie?”

  “Sure,” she replied as she held the door open, not quite knowing what to expect.

  Jackie and Eric regarded each other awkwardly. “I just got back from Europe a few days ago. I heard the news about Tommy as we were driving home from the airport. Some welcome home, huh? I didn’t know what to do. After moping around a few days, I drove up here. The caretaker at the cemetery told me Tommy was buried at Fort Snelling…..so I…..didn’t.….really know what…..” Eric couldn’t continue, so he looked down at the floor to hide his tears.

  Seeing Eric’s tears, Jackie softened. “You really loved him, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah,” Eric sniffled.

  “Since you’re his only insurance beneficiary, he must’ve cared for you a great deal, too,” Jackie sighed, making no effort to conceal her disappointment.

  “You’re joking!” Eric cried.

  “You don’t know?” she scoffed. “I thought maybe you came here to see if there was anything else of his you could claim!”

  “Jackie, this is the first I’ve heard about any insurance money. It belongs to you and your children. You’ll need it a hell of a lot more than I will.”

  “That’s what I’ve been thinking,” Jackie admitted bitterly, wondering what Eric really wanted.

  “We’ll straighten it out,” Eric promised. “We’ll go to the VA together, and I’ll turn the funds over to you.”

  Jackie was amazed, but still skeptical. “You don’t even know how much money is involved. It comes to nearly two-hundred-fifty thousand! That’s a lot of money to just turn over to me without even thinking about it.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Jackie. I don’t want or need the money.”

  “What do you want?” she asked, totally disarmed by Eric’s generosity.

  Eric shook his head, sniffling a few times. “Right now, I’d settle for a friendly shoulder.”

  Eric’s tone dissolved any lingering doubts Jackie had. She began to feel compassion for the man with whom she had shared her husband. Jackie reached for Eric’s head and gently drew him nearer. “You just bought yourself a shoulder, hon.”

  Jackie and Eric spent the rest of the day talking. That evening Jackie sent her children to stay with her parents, explaining she and Eric would be leaving early the next day for Fort Snelling. They drank heavily that night, consoling each other in front of the fireplace.

  “I can’t believe he’s gone,” Eric sighed. “I hate to ask, but was there anything left of his body?”

  “Bits and pieces,” Jackie replied. “They found his dogtags and enough of his lower jawbone and teeth to make a positive identification. The Air Force offered to fly me to the crash site, but I declined. I didn’t even look at the mess they scraped together and shipped to the undertaker. What’s the use?”

  “Yeah, I suppose I would’ve done the same thing. What a terrible way to go.”

  “If I have a choice about my own death, Eric, I want it to be quick, neat, and painless. Dress me up in a nice gown and shove a syringe in me with something lethal.”

  Eric was appalled. “How often do you think about that?”

  “It’s not like I think about it every day!” she giggled. “Still, when something like this happens, how can you help but think about your own death?”

  Eric grabbed the wine bottle on the table next to them. He filled both glasses without asking Jackie. Lifting his glass toward the fireplace, Eric offered a toast.

  “To Tommy! I hope you're happy wherever you are!”

  “I’ll drink to that,” Jackie agreed, clinking her glass against Eric’s.

  Fingering his wine glass nervously, Eric asked, “How long did you know about us?”

  “I suspected for more than a year,” Jackie replied. “Tommy had a very healthy sex drive, but he never wanted sex after spending time with you. I found a love letter he was going to send you in Italy. That’s when I decided to leave him.”

  “I’m sorry,” Eric murmured.

  “You must be very sp
ecial,” Jacked sighed. “I knew Tommy cheated on me for years, but they were always brief flings. He never fell in love before. I’ve often wondered just exactly what Tommy found so seductive about you, Eric,” she purred softly.

  They groped each other awkwardly, then undressed. On a bearskin rug in front of a blazing fire, Eric made love to his dead boyfriend’s widow. Neither of them spoke of their lovemaking the next morning. They drove separately to the Veteran's Administration office in Minneapolis to claim Tommy’s insurance benefits. Eric endorsed the government check, then handed it to Jackie. When their business was finished, there was an awkward pause.

  “As long as we're this close to Fort Snelling, would you like to see his grave?” Jackie asked tentatively.

  Eric shook his head. “I don't know how or when, but I'll find my own way to say good-bye to Tommy.”

  Jackie reached clumsily for Eric. What began as a hug turned into a light caress of his arm instead. “Thanks for the insurance money. My children and I will always be grateful to you, Eric. This will help us get a fresh start somewhere.”

  Eric's brows arched. “Planning to move?”

  “If I stay in Ely, I’ll forever be known as the widow Johnson. I need a fresh start somewhere far away.”

  Eric nodded his understanding, then hugged Jackie firmly. “I'm sorry for everything, but good luck with that fresh start.”

  Jackie thanked Eric again, then impulsively kissed his cheek lightly in farewell.

  Jackie drove home to Ely, but Eric drove to his first gay bar in downtown Minneapolis. With a bit of luck, he wanted to find someone like Tommy, hoping it would not take more than one or two visits.

  Nine months later, Jackie gave birth to a handsome baby boy and named him Keenan. It seemed appropriate. She had seen Eric sign his full legal name at Fort Snelling: Eric Keenan Price. She was determined no one ever know her third child had a different father than the first two.

  CHAPTER 4

  After spending a week in Minneapolis, Eric decided to stay. Smaller than New York and colder than Los Angeles, Minneapolis was more attractive than either of Eric’s other top choices. Housing was more affordable than either coast, and the city offered a wide range of activities. A diverse group of industries kept a well-educated work force employed even during economic downturns. As a special bonus, the homogeneous Scandinavian population had spawned a large number of blond, blue-eyed, fair-skinned males just as handsome as Tommy. Cultural, recreational, and athletic facilities were abundant. From what Eric observed, the gay community co-existed peacefully with the local straight community, making Minneapolis even more desirable.

  With his military background and newly minted MBA, Eric had no trouble landing job interviews. He accepted three interviews with employers he really didn’t care to work for to get some interviewing experience. His fourth interview was with the subsidiary of a giant bank, and that’s the job he really wanted. The interviewer was so impressed that he offered Eric a job during the interview, which Eric promptly accepted. Hired as a financial analyst by the data processing services division of the largest bank in town, Eric was eager to begin his climb to the top of Corporate America.

  Much to his amazement, Eric discovered his superiors had no idea what he should do when he presented himself for work. His immediate superior took a six-month sabbatical to finish his graduate degree and his boss’s boss left for Europe on an extended business trip. With absolutely no direction, Eric roamed the company on a self-guided tour, creating his own job. Over the next six months he took control of pricing, budgeting, and contract negotiations with the hundreds of vendors competing for the big bank’s hardware and software business.

  Within a year, Eric was the division’s leading authority on pricing, cost accounting, equipment acquisition, contracts, financial policy, and corporate philosophy. He had extensive knowledge of complex internal politics. It became clear that everyone except a handful of senior executives needed Eric to get anything done. He could sell the executive committee any proposal with a compelling Powerpoint presentation and a dash of humor. By slipping in bits of double entendre, he forced them to listen carefully to every word lest they miss a truly good bit of wit. It became extremely bad form to be the last one in the room to laugh at one of Eric’s witty remarks.

  Eric’s date for the evening was enjoying the concert, though she doubted she’d ever become as devoted a classical music fan as Eric. “It’s almost impossible to get a standing ovation out of a Minnesota crowd at the end of a performance, let alone before intermission,” Melanie giggled. “I don’t think God Almighty would have gotten more applause out of this group after creating the sun, the moon, and all the planets!”

  Laughing appreciatively, Eric found Melanie endlessly amusing. He enjoyed the way words tumbled out of her mouth. It was seldom clear whether she knew exactly what she was saying, which made it all the more fun. She enjoyed playing the cute, dumb blonde. Eric spotted her rare blend of intelligence, wit, and sensitivity working daily with her. The daughter of a very successful local businessman, Melanie’s father suggested she spend a few years working in a big bank before joining the family business. While Eric had no intention of becoming romantically involved, he decided Melanie would be fun to know socially. They had gone to several concerts and movies since Eric had asked Melanie out for dinner two months earlier.

  “Back in a minute, Mel,” Eric promised his date. “I’ll grab us a couple cocktails.” The two Manhattans he drank at Melanie’s before the concert were wearing off. It took Eric less than a minute to twist and slide through the crowd, working his way to the bartender, past people who had been waiting patiently. “Two, no three Manhattans!” Eric yelled. He laid down a hundred-dollar bill for the bartender, even though the three drinks were far less than that. Eric realized the tip was far too generous, but with less than five minutes until the concert resumed, he didn’t want to waste time. He grabbed his drinks, then snaked his way back to Melanie. About ten feet from her, Eric ducked behind a pillar, slugged down one of the Manhattans, and tossed the plastic cup toward a trashcan. He felt silly for being so secretive. After all, it wasn’t as if he was drunk. He had done nothing wrong. Still, some people might question why he needed two drinks during a concert intermission.

  When Eric returned to Melanie he discovered his boss had joined her. “Well, David, I didn’t know you were a classical music fan. Enjoying the concert?”

  David flashed his best corporate grin. “It’s just super!” he replied, pronouncing super like Snagglepuss, the cartoon lion. “I guess this is one more thing we have in common, eh, Eric?”

  “Yeah,” Eric grinned. “Fast cars, big cities, good liquor, and now classical music. All the best things in life. What more could a man ask for?”

  “Aren’t you forgetting beautiful women?” David corrected Eric. “Present company included,” he added, with a deferential nod toward Melanie.

  Even though Eric despised David’s self-serving quip, he remained gracious. “Of course, David. My apology, Melanie. An oversight, I assure you.”

  A hand on Eric’s shoulder diverted his attention. “Joseph! How nice to see you,” Eric greeted his friend eagerly, displaying far too much enthusiasm. “It’s great to see how many truly tasteful friends I have.”

  “Eric, I knew there was something I liked about you besides your cologne,” Joseph chuckled.

  Realizing the need for introductions, Eric’s relief quickly turned to anxiety as he prayed Joseph would not reveal he was gay. “Joseph, I’d like you to meet David Cheslyn, my boss, and Melanie Eiverson, my date. And this is Joseph Bramston, my stockbroker.” As they shook hands, Eric added, “Joseph is also managing director for Goldman Sachs’ Minneapolis operations.”

  Impressed, David wondered how one of his subordinates had become acquainted with a Goldman Sachs executive. Since David knew Eric’s salary, he was certain Eric didn’t have enough for a sizeable investment portfolio. Why did Joseph find it worthwhile to know Eric p
rofessionally?

  While David, Melanie, and Joseph traded remarks about their respective companies, Eric quietly observed them. He was struck by the many similarities between Joseph and David, although not immediately apparent to most people. Both men were about ten years older than Eric and wore expensive hair pieces. Neither man smoked, but both drank moderately. As Eric compared his two friends, he realized their similarities were mostly above the neck. Both men had bushy mustaches, which seemed to interfere with their pronunciation of the letter s. When Eric pictured them simultaneously saying ‘sixty seashells by the seashore’ he could barely contain his giggle. Their mannerisms, elocution, and vocabularies were incredibly similar. Both were astute businessmen, congenial, and enjoyed similar hobbies. They even shared similar political, religious, and economic philosophies. Eric doubted he could find two people more similar in so many important ways. For a moment, Eric envisioned a wonderful new friendship, then remembered David and Joseph had one very important difference. David hated gays as much as Joseph hated heterosexuals.

  “Pity,” Eric mumbled to himself. It seemed a shame for two people so perfectly matched not to become friends.

  “What’s a pity?” Melanie asked.

  Eric realized he had drifted too far away from the conversation. As chimes signaled the concert would resume in two minutes, he replied, “That we’ll have to continue this conversation some other time.”

  Eric raved about the concert as they left Orchestra Hall. Strolling down an empty Nicollet Mall, Melanie offered him a lit joint. Mildly surprised, he gave Melanie his sternest look of mock disapproval. “Young lady, is that pot you’re offering me?”

  Melanie snickered, “Want some?” She liked Eric’s frequent role changes during their conversations. His playfulness was one of the things she liked best about him, but she realized he also had a darker side.